i am on a conference call.
i can't talk.
fuck.

my head keeps hurting
said dumb shit last night, fuck

sometimes i wonder if i'm not really crazy
but then i remember

i'm afraid of my mom sometimes.
i should stop doing stupid shit.
off to incur her anger.
wish me luck.

can there please just be one guy in my life that isn't disappointingly and disgustingly patriarchal? :(

i need to stop calling out oppressive shit, so people will stop hating me.

new bike,
new friends.
good times all around.

so, i've realized something:
i don't hate men, just the straight cisgendered white ones with unexamined privlege.
you know who you are.

ugh. i was trying to go to sleep, like, an hour ago.
and then i thought of two or so organizing things that had to be done.
and i just couldn't wait until morning to do them, for some stupid reason.
so i got up, and i took care of the two or so things (and then some), and now i'm still up.
aaaugh. seriously? fuck this shit. organizing is getting in the way of my school work, and now my sleep.

I like how all these hand grenades, mysterious packages, and bleach containers randomly appear around town. Only in DC.

"it's the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine."

"george bush learned one person at a time
that people don't matter
that women don't matter
that queers don't matter
that the poor never mattered.
and that whole countries just don't matter
so when i walk down the street
i know what terror really is
how it came to be
and how it lives."

-gina young, "punkrockdyke"

i hate sds guys.

no, actually, i hate all guys.

fuck em.

no, seriously, fuck those people.

"my name is gilligan
i wear a red shirt
i wear a white hat
they think i'm stupid
some day i'm gonna kill them."

that's basically the words to this punk band's song about Gilligan. yeahhhhhh. i haven't heard it, but someone mentioned it on sunday. i'm gonna hafta look into it.

so, I was talking to Nadia tonight (like, a lot. mostly feminist/radical cultural analysis of the TV that we were watching. :P)... and we somehow got onto the subject of that creepy guy i was talking to the other week. so apparently:

he was drunk.
&
he was hitting on me.

i did not pick up on either one of these things, thank god. but Nadia hung out with him that night, too, and she said that he was way drunk, and that he was really weird and hitting on all the girls. ew. yuck. okay.

fucking heterosexuals.
fucking men.

i talked to a guy tonight who kinda skeeved me out. and yes, i just invented that word, i think. skeeved.

somehow we got on the subject of my sexual orientation. oh, that's right. he asked me about my hair. his brother came out by shaving his head. yeah, okay.

him: so, are you?
me: ... am i what?
him: um... let's just say "non-heterosexual"
me: yeah, i'm queer.

so then he told me about the queer people at au, and how he feels kind of alienated even in that world. he asked me if i knew about that world, or if i had gotten into it yet. "what?"

so he attempted to explain it to me. apparently, gay people have their own "world." what the fuck.

oh, and he has "contacts" that he can use to get me into it. what the fuck, no. what the fuck?

he has one "homosexual female friend." his friend tried to set them up, not realizing that neither of them was into the other one. awkward. kinda like our conversation.

oh, and then he kept saying shit like "what do you mean, you don't drink?!" and "how did you grow up in houston and not drink?!" or "i can't believe you went to catholic!"

and then he wanted me to tell him my coming out story, or how i came to terms with being queer at catholic. the fuck? no. i just met him. i'm not gonna tell all this personal shit that, by the way, i never talk about, to this guy i've just met. what. the. fuck. mother. fucker.

fucking a.

ugh. dudes.

"sometimes you give 'em hell
sometimes there's hell to pay
but they know damn well
we are not going away
we may be lying through our teeth
but we'll still sing 'we are not afraid!'
friend, i swear i'll keep singing
when they take you away."
- riot folk, "by morning"

no.

fuck you.
(pun mostly intended.)